Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in medsforaghost's LiveJournal:

Saturday, March 3rd, 2007
Saturday 3rd March 2007 at 3:25pm	bleh. no one ever reads this thing. =(
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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
Tuesday 27th February 2007 at 8:45pm	hello, i'm in delaware. not really, but that's a good song. hmm. i've been listening to a lot of acoustic music lately and im in love with the song "tale of the runaways" by maylene and the sons of disaster. lately, life's been going by pretty fast but i kinda want it to slow down so i can gather some time to use my time how i want to use it. school goes by slow and often i find myself sitting with a blank lined paper trying to spark some thought it doesn't work, by the end of the day i have a scribble. maybe that's all i have left in my head for creativity, a scribble. i feel like i'm missing out on something. i don't know what. maybe relationships, because my friends are happily witted away with their lovers. ha. i sound stupid don't i? i feel like the only boy who worries about these kinds of things. not just having a girlfriend, but more the aspects that come with it. and it's not even the physical luxuries of it. in english we just had to write what our perfect soul mate would be. like what we're looking for. everyone took like five minutes and i held up the class for another forty because i couldn't really word it, and i didn't wanna half ass it, you know? it feels important to me. so i wrote "a girl who can truly make me happy". thats all i could get down. sometimes i get this rush of creativity but i have no way to vent it. also in creative writing, the teacher is trying to help us observe some things in life closer, and really get at the things we see, and understand it. i like what she's trying to do, but it's not really happening with the other students. i come off as a clueless jerk but i'm really drawn into english class and anything that has to do with self-expression, creativity, and literature. there's a girl that i've been fairly interested in but i doubt it, like i always do. i hardly get to see her often, and when she's around she's real childish, and she acts it. sometimes i doubt that i can even talk about how i really feel and that just throws off our chances right off the bat, 'cause i can see it now. next time we hangout we'll probably end up kissing and laughing and having a great time, but later, it'll be just that..a good time, nothing else and i don't want it to be just a kiss fest, i mean i want meaning, i want to feel like i'm a person. she can't make me feel like a person. she can just make me feel like a doll that she's always needs at her side, better yet, that she doesn't even need. i could just go for it, and have a long but eventless/unmeaningful relationship just to see where i go, but i fear it will reap away all other open opportunities for something better. i've made the mistake of throwing away something great to go after something better, and when i was mistaken and tried to get back what i once had, it was gone and i don't think it'll ever come back. i really miss my old friends. i'm not talking sean powers, or caity, or lisa, but im talking about derek rigoli, corey mayo. corey was my first best friend here in this state and we used to be real close but we drifted apart when derek came into the picture. derek was always fun to be around, i mean he was over every day and we used to skate and just be ourselves and do the best we can here in bellingham on a mid summer day where the heat makes you melt instantly and our destination for the day seems so far away. i mean, once we got friends with cars, that was the end of us. we used to skate every where together, and everything, but once people could drive, we'd find ourselves so far apart at times. and we'd be in different cars with different people and always busy being somewhere else. i liked when we had nothing but torn clothes, our hair, beaten up skate decks and warm concrete. we'd always sit on my front porch wishing to be somewhere, anywhere else. we're still in the same place, but it's different now. i used to keep up with the skill in skateboarding and just have fun, but the other day i skated and i'm so out of shape now i guess? and i seemed to have lost it. after an hour i felt like i never stopped but..i was by myself. i feel like i've been an ass to corey as well, for the past..months. i feel like i've been cocky? like i've been better than him. he seems to be pushed away from our little group.. he's just corey and nothing special to us, i mean he is special to us but it's all over looked. like our band, corey was in it, but we didn't think he was skilled enough so we agreed on having him out, but he wants in again. we should give him a good try, and really trust him, because he's like family and i guess i could see that he felt excluded. but really, he was the first kid here to accept me for who i am. when i was some freckle faced red head with a nerdy haircut, nerdy clothes and buck teeth back in fucking fifth grade. yeah, he's seen me at all my stages of worst and best. he got me into guitar to be honest. he said it the other day, and i couldn't deny it. i guess i really wanna start skating around town again, but not alone. and i want to stop being so full of hate. im done with that. and, idk, i want to write more often and make good music. i want to be who i am, and let people know who i am. i don't wanna keep my mouth shut either. oh man. Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: city and colour-missing.
Thursday, January 18th, 2007
Thursday 18th January 2007 at 5:21pm	wellwell. everything is pointless.the end. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: a day to remember- the price we pay
Sunday, January 14th, 2007
Sunday 14th January 2007 at 3:41am	session 8 well, it was just the same as any day. i was lookin' to run far from the school =) and i was at the door ready to go when i heard some books hit the floooorr =) so then i stopped! jaw dropped, i said "this must be love" 'cause when i pulled myself together you were already gone. i screamed, "wait a minute!", listen to voice in my head, "kid you better run! 'cause she's getting away with it!" Current Music: earlynovember.
Saturday, January 13th, 2007
Saturday 13th January 2007 at 11:38pm	apparently. the band's final decision is to NOT do the talent show. upon the issue of not being able to afford anything above 265 dollars right now, and we all know drums only between 350 and up for anything worth buying. No offense, but Andrew couldn't keep up with me right now, it's just instinct to write the guitar parts ridiculously fast. The whole problem is, the rehearsals are next week and we wouldn't be ready. I'd rather not show up and suck, and do battle of the bands and be good. Onto other things, like today! today was quite fun. I woke up around 10 am 'cause Kyle woke me up, we just hung around and wrote music until almost 1, than I took a shower, got dressed and we went to pick up Andrew for band practice. Our guitar, bass, and drum teacher is basically helping instruct the band haha, but it's amazing. We got Andrew to perfect the intros drums, and the verse's too. Than the little kid who gets drum lessons at 3 shows up so we left the place, walked to dominoes and bought the 555 deal and we each had our own box haha. We walked back to Dan's and ate with him, talked about the goriest movie's we've ever seen, while we were eating. So after that we continued to practice and I lost my voice screaming again. For all the people we bragged about doing the talent show, we're sorry to disappoint you. For us, it's better, there's no pressure and we get things done so much better just taking our time. Brett will be mad, but whatever, I'm not here to please him haha you know what I mean. When we came home from practice I was just really tired, Kyle's mom picked him up from here and I just went to bed haha, missed dinner but I don't care. Oh yeah, me and Andrew forced Kyle to scream haha, we've never heard him do it until today. We understand why he wouldn't do it, it sounded so funny hahahaa. So while I was laughing with tears running down my face he threw the mic at me haha but I laughed for a good five minutes even after Andrew had stopped. Well since I slept for awhile I think I'm going to be up late again, so I may play xbox or write more or something to that extent =P kkclsnnc later. =) Current Music: MY AMNESIA HAS ITS PERKS
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Thursday, January 11th, 2007
Thursday 11th January 2007 at 6:01am	and i know you hate me but this is who i am <3. "and i know you don't understand me, but i love you from the bottom of my heart, i swear i will never do you wrong, i swear i will" right now i'm biting my bottom lip like it's necessary and having a cherry pepsi. it's hard not to get frustrated but all i am right now is just illustrated <3 ha. yesterday was amazing, i had this burst of creativity going on in the song writing process. Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday i'm going to be screaming my head off and making my fingers bleed, that's right, six days of practice almost in a row, but it'll be great. well what we're doing is, a "fuck the audience" kind of thing, well, we're really trying to gain the respect as musicians to the other "musicians" in the school. a 3 piece band, the guitarist singing and screaming everything, and the drummer hardly experienced whatsoever, if we can pull this together than i think it will be amazing. i usually write lead guitar like rythm and lead mixed into one so yeah, it's like chord progression, abrupt stop, arpegio, random notes, chord, chord, chord, random notes, chord, arpegio, haha. also this song is mainly a 16th note tempo, fast but not ridiculous. i'm just worried i will lose track while i'm screaming because after a minute your head feels weird and you start sweating. last practice i screamed and played guitar for 2 hours straight and almost lost my voice, but that's what it's all about! we have 3 goals i guess, 1. have fun, 2. maybe impress, 3. be loud as hell. we know there's going to be a lot of parents present as well, but that makes it all the better haha. i don't blame other kids in the school for thinking we blow before they hear us, it's cause there's tons of those middle school fucks who brag about their musician skills and actually have none whatsoever. if all goes well and we're not total stiffs up there, i plan on writing 5 songs, and having them done between now and the beginning of summer. andrew knows Vanna really well, that band haha, we're going to play with them this summer if we're ready! which that's what we're getting ready for. who would've though i'd be 15 and playing a show like that? props to our last night for they're 12/13 year old screamer, and props to armor for the broken for being my age. i'm excited and i look at this talent show as an opportunity to spread the disease of our sound haha. am i crazy for just thinking about music all day everyday? i just want someone to say "good job" that's all, that's all i really want. it means all this scrammed and crammed hard work for these next few weeks will be worth it all. i'm basically gonna write all the guitar, some bass cause kyle can write that..and drums, until andrew is more experienced even though i don't play, it's weird i can just hear in my head what the drums would be and, it always turns out to be what needs to be there. i just hope kyle stands next to me, not behind me at the talent show. i hate not having anyone within sight, it'd feel like i was looking at the audience alone. im getting ready for school, bye <3 Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Apparently
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Monday, January 8th, 2007
Monday 8th January 2007 at 1:14am	Subject: "What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something" "What makes you think I'm not?.." well i fell asleep at like 7 than woke up around now, 1:22 puking, yuck. hmm. i'm not tired at all but i feel sick. my dad was just recently sick and still is. im gonna go back try to sleep soon. also everyone thinks me and my friends, kyle and andrew aren't ready to perform at the talent show and won't be. but even if we aren't we're still doing it, just to do it and have fun. brett's band is having mr. badalement do the singing and such and it's a big event, but ours is just ordinary. hmm, but we're not that skilled yet. i just hope my hands don't shake. the song we're writing, i made the guitar sort of unusually easy so all the screaming wouldn't be as hard as it may seem. am i nervous? a little, but i'm more apprehensive. dskcnsdlk ill write more later when i feel better. i have a headache. goodnight. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Brand New- Not The Sun
Friday, January 5th, 2007
Friday 5th January 2007 at 11:30pm	well.. "now i don't know where to go." hmm. right now i'm sitting in my room with dirty hair and i'm wide awake. tomorrow is our first big band practice we've had in awhile and i'm really looking forward to it. but i have to whip up some music tonight? i hope it goes well <3
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
Thursday 4th January 2007 at 2:55am	okay. so i've woken up from abrupt sleep haha. and i'm not tired anymore and i've just been thinking lots and lots, just like always. what to do what to do. hmm. idk. =) Current Mood: awake Current Music: dot hack OST- kiss.
Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
Tuesday 2nd January 2007 at 7:38pm	time travel. so i'm obsessed with the movie "donnie darko". i basically watched it over 10 times and now i get as much as i possibly can out of it and it's amazing. if you've seen it, you know it has to do with time travel, but that's not the only reason why that's the "subject" of this post. oh it is such a metaphor. one decision to get out of bed in the middle of the night chances everything, ruins everyone's lives. i've just been really trying to get in touch with myself, everyone, everything. i go outside more just to see how people are. it's inspiration really, i can't get any of it just sitting at home all day. when i watch the movie i get all these thoughts you know, the director says its pure fiction but in a fucked up way it makes sense and this is what makes me crazy. you see, at the end of the movie everyone wakes up from a dream after donnie is crushed by the jet engine, his "tangent universe" was just a dream everyone shared. what a lot of people don't understand is are the things the movie doesn't say to your face, you basically have to piece every last bit of it yourself. 1. in the beginning, the jet engine falling on his house came from the tangent universe, that's why they don't know where it's from, it's actually from the plane in the future that donnie's mom and sister are on when they get crashed by that tornado (which is actually the portal). in the notes in the directors cut from roberta sparrow's book on time travel, it mentions only metal objects can withstand the passage of dimension/universes. well in the beginning, donnie is in the primary universe, our universe. his hauntingness by frank the bunny (which is confused as a fucked up alien, but if you knew anything it was a costume), led him to make decisions that fucked up the order of things. so he makes a tangent universe which is a rip in the system, and tangent universes only last a few weeks before everything fixes itself thus destroying the tangent universe, which donnie is in. he doesn't realize this but toward the end he can piece it together, he kind of realizes it. well if you noticed, donnie is the living reciever. through out the excerpts of pages you see that the living reciever can have unusual powers such as strength, which is shown when he puts the axe through the bronze dog at his school. water, when he breaks the water main in school, fire when he burns the perverts house, telekinesis, this is assumed that he forced his mothers plane into the vortex/tornado. donnie's task it to close this tangent universe, but how? time travel. don't worry it's not stupid, he doesn't make a time machine. if you wonder how he goes back in time, it's the fact he goes into the vortex/tornado, he's brought back to his bedroom, the night that frank was outside in his yard. he's happy 'cause when he dies, the tangent universe dies and the primary one is saved. after all this, i was thinking that what if our dreams our linked? well what im saying is, in the primary universe, the girlfriend that died is obviously alive in the primary world, but since donnie died, nothing happened between them and it is assumed she had deja vu when she sees the mother crying outside. well when you feel like you know someone, maybe you knew them very well and were close in the tangent universe that you may live in every single night that you sleep. some times i get weird thoughts out of things that really make me think. things people didn't pick up on, is that frank in the primary universe was donnie's sisters boyfriend. and the honking of the horn was the fact he was so important in the tangent universe, he felt what was going on and flipped out. and when it shows everyone waking up, well he was never sleeping and he was crying cause he knew what had happened/or got the rush of emotion from it. it makes you think of so many possibilities and opens your mind up to anything, scientifically as well. oh man am i a psycho =) Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: donnie dark OST- time travel.
Monday, January 1st, 2007
Monday 1st January 2007 at 4:42am	so today was wierd. mom came of course, and kyle called for me to go over but i couldn't, ugh. i've learned she is very selfish, i mean i already knew that but it's so much more noticeable now that i am not so naive anymore. she has to be better at everything than dad. she has to be treated like a queen. i just dont want to deal with it, so i'm glad she lives in a far away place but i than feel neglected by the fact its my mother, but its just a title for her, a label. i'd consider the role of a mother much differently than the title. oh well she's sleeping now. and so is everyone. i have a lot of new years resolutions. i wanna lose weight like 90% of everyone, hmm and just leave the house more often without being in a car, make money and play more music! the more money i get, the more often we can practice woo! and get good grades and such. i want to be an all 'round better person and nicer and such. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: 65 days of static- 23 kid.
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Sunday, December 31st, 2006
Sunday 31st December 2006 at 12:51pm	one more thing.. new year's resolutions.. 1. never eat again. 2. stop being a push over.
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Sunday 31st December 2006 at 11:47am	holding hands is so powerless! it's new years eve and my mother is coming down from New Hampshire to ruin it basically. well, it sounds mean but whatever. she is a negative influence. you could only imagine who i'd be if i saw her 24/7, but i'm still not satisfied and i haven't seen her in 2 months and what not. oh well, that's what happens when you live in different states huh? but i'm grateful and will be twice as much when my dad, my brother and i move out of this house. this house is not a home, it's a rest stop with total strangers crazy enough to claim to be your family. i really should be getting in the shower now. but i'm not haha. i feel sorta unaccomplished because this vacation i wanted to write a whole song out but it didn't happen, i just spurted out one great slab of lyrics and that's all. i basically neglected anything but myself this whole vacation, staying up all night, sleeping all day, repeat. terri said to make more than one post on here, hmm i'll end up posting too often haha =) but i guess i wish i could be smarter, but understanding isn't my favorite thing ever. oh man my room is a mess and so am i, i haven't been hungry at all and i've lost my appetite. i think i'm done being glorified by stupid sunrises and shut eye. i need to stop getting nervous around pretty girls and i need something better to talk about. all i talk about is music, music this, music that. hmm. but anything else i like has absolutely nothing to do with anything =) haha which may be good in some people's book but whatever. so what if all i like doing is playing my guitar and screaming into a mic? what the fuck do you do!? no offense if your schedule is packed with important shit haha. well i have to go take a shower, shave this beard thing going on and wear my favorite norma jean shirt. norma jean was marilyn monroe's real name so it makes me feel fashionable. hmm, i really really miss my old hair color right about now, i forgot what it's like to be auburn =O Current Mood: tired Current Music: lover left you bleeding- friends don't let friends cut hair.
Sunday 31st December 2006 at 4:26am	i watered the garden even though it ate my dog. so it's 4:30 a.m. and i'm listening to "civeta dei" by the number twelve looks like you, and i doubt it does. my thought process has been pretty slow. some website said my IQ is 113. haha. nothing can defeat my on-growing obsession with music, nothing i tell you! oh yes, and i have this major crush on someone. woo! i'm just going to tell you my life and everything that comes with it! and i don't like just her. i like more girls. but you can't blame me, i've been a single boy for the past like 8 months, so deal with it. i don't mean to sound rude but yeah. i've heard the whole "every boy sucks but you" from about 10 different girls, but yet it doesn't mean anything. i mean, if i don't suck than why don't you like me!? today is new years eve. my shirts i ordered for christmas should be coming soon! yes! trophy scars wear <3 oh yeah and fear before the march of flames, and drop dead gorgeous! my favorite apparel yet! my mom is giving my new girls jeans for christmas so let's see how that works out. hmm. lisa called me today. i had to clean my room. i talked to terri for like 3 seconds, but it was still amazing haha. i'm obsessed with battle royale! i mean killing your best friends is just so entertaining/interesting. laura stayed up for awhile redoing her myspace, and she finished. i think my myspace is so-so but i don't know what to do with it. i just made this livejournal. haha, these are just my thoughts just so you know that i'm not crazy, well maybe i am. kyle comes back from his dad's today, too bad we missed band practice. i love practicing and i hope dan can finish tabbing out that boys night out song so we can master it for the talent show. oh yes, the talent show. if you're a new reader, you don't know until now, but yes i'm in a band. we are called "make room for gloom" yeah rhyming is obnoxious but who cares and we got it from the title of a pokemon episode because pokemon is amazing. and sam is over her ex-boyfriend now, yay! it needs to snow so we can have a massive snowball fight. i want to go sledding too and do all those winter-like activities. i've been playing xbox live alot, specifically gears of war. it's quite the amazing <3 and also i need to talk to more girls. be more intimate with girls. be more romantic girls. =) and meet more of them. i need to leave the house more often so i never ever ever ever ramble like this again, hey i'm wasting my creativity =( wait no, i lied, creativity is infinate in this jedi! if you don't get the reference, you deserve to die. Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: the # 12!